Welcome to my home away from home. This past week 4-9-12 we began a new study of Hidden Joy offered by Wendy Blight the author of the book. This week we were to read chapters 1 and 2 and answer the questions. Now if you look at previous posts you will see I had attempted to do this study before. however i didn't get all I needed out of it so I decided to did it again, this time giving my full attention to the lessons I will be doing. To begin with I reflected back to the other entries and may share with you past and present of what I discovered on my journey.
Looking back there are several places I said I was sorry that I hadn't posted and although I am, it was just interesting to see just how many times I thought I had to say “sorry” Maybe that was apart of my thinking back then. Because growing up and even during the first studying of this book thats where I was. In a state of being and feeling sorry. Mostly for myself. But now a year later, after reading these posts again, I can see places where I had grown. And I will share those with you when we get to those chapters – kinda a then and now reflection. But for now since it's the first week, we will begin on Ch 1-2. Are ya ready- here we go. Round two....
April 9th 2012
Chapter 1 Notes from Wendy's book.
From page 15
“ In those moments everything died” was the first sentence that caught my eye because years into my abuse I experienced that exact same feeling. Although, It may have even started when I was younger and was molested by my grandfather. I was just too young to notice And when I told my mom she didn't believe me instead she left me alone in the dark crying for comfort and protection I never got. But that day as I was standing by the fridge years later feeling his hand on my shoulder I was more aware of what was happening to me .At that moment I was fully aware that nothing I would ever do would matter. And I wanted to die.
Also on page 15 where Wendy said:“I knew now there was no escape.” This realization came to me when I was first touched by my stepfather. That day he led me to the bed . No matter how hard I fought and struggled to get up he was just too strong. He would not let me up.
In those moments although lasting only minutes seemed like hours. And to have to lay there without escape I felt defeated and degraded. It was at that moment I stopped being a little girl. Only I didn't know it yet. I still had some fight in me. I had yet to discover the bible or its teachings and promises from God. I had yet to read “Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.” (1 John 4:4 – KJV)”
My living bible says it like this “ Dear young friends , you belong to God and have ALREADY won your fight with those who are against Christ, because there is someone in your hearts who is STRONGER then the evil teacher in this wicked world.” (emphasis mine)
So even though I was still physically going thru the abuse – I had already won and had been delivered from the fight I was now engaged in. Those who were against Christ was the abusers in my life trying to teach me I was not valued loved cherished or important! But the bible says I am, was and always will be!
AS I continued reading, some of Wendy's questions were also mine, “ Why me and what did I do were two of my most asked questions. Whether they were just out loud to myself or to “someone out there” I couldn't be sure. And I may never know this side of heaven.
These were the two things that stood out to me the most. Stay tuned for more. Reflection questions to ch 1 are next.
