Chapter two- my first look back

 AS I grew up my mom  had very little interest in my care and I felt like I was all alone. Crying out for someone to help me but I have been unsuccessful until now. For so long the events of my past haunted
me at the most worst times. Now I have a chance to heal and put my past to rest once in for all. AS I step out of the shadows and into Gods healing light

The first assignment was to write a prayer to God as we begin this journey through this study. 

our journey begins the scripture is Psalms 84 :6 “When they walk through the Valley of weeping it will become a place of springs where pools of blessing and refreshment collect after rains.”

AS I reflect on that I feel my “valley of weeping “ began 1^st when I was first molested when I was beat as a baby, and has been weeping since. The next time it wept was when I was touched by a family member and my mother didn't believe me leaving me to stand alone in the dark. (literally first dark corner)

Then when she asks in “Our Journey begins” have you asked how can I survive another day – I had to stop and reflect- because there were two days specifically that question came to mind. one day when I was in 2^nd or third grade as an innocent child looking and trusting that my mother who was supposed to protect me failed me. My Trust was shattered and I learned I was all alone here.

I had not been introduced to Jesus yet. I was just a little girl looking for protection. And got none.

Melissa's Assignment-

What do you hope to gain through this study? A better understanding of Who God is and where he was during my abuse and how to ask for his help and healing.

What are your doubts about going through this study? 

My doubts are maybe there was nothing I could have done different. 

 Fear? That nothing will change

And my prayer to my Father.

Father God, through this study, I would like to come closer to you then ever before and know and realize that back then when I was a child, I wasn't alone. you were there with me even though I didnt know you then you knew me and longed to be with me. You felt each hit each injustice that was done to me and against me. I felt so alone I wish you could have reached out and held me physically to let me know I wasn't as alone as I felt or better yet taken me back home to be protected and loved again. I'm glad I didn't know you back then to hate you. I am glad I know you now and that you are in my life. Please be with me ( and others) as I walk this path again, this time coming out of the other side healed and victorious in your presence and love. As I write this my heart hurts again like it did then when it happened. But I'm afraid to cry because I fear I wont be able to stop again. Please Father comfort me as I learn from this study how much you love me and want to heal me from these wounds that are still apart of me. Amen