reflecting back ( ch 1 HJ)

This month I am stepping out of the shadows of abuse as I embark on this journey to heal from the abuse I suffered as a child. As I read this it sounds like I am going on a Voyage around the world. But in reality I am. Sorta, As I travel on this journey, I will encounter many ups and downs and rocky seas But I have the Word of God as my foundation. I will encounter turbulent winds to try and knock me down. But I have the strength of Jesus to keep me upright. And I will have flashbacks and dreams to weaken me But Jesus' strength will keep me strong.

The next part of our first assignment we are to read Chapter one of Hidden Joy and make notes highlight and write out scripture we want to remember. Here are my thoughts on what I've read so far,

Chapter one-

On page 18 where Wendy says she wanted to start the day over – I know what she was feeling, there are times when I think back to when the events that changed my life forever happened and wanted to do it again, start over and act different or say something more to more people til someone listened AND DID SOMETHING to stop it.

Between this incident and third grade God was not in my life- consciously any way. Then in third grade he became conscious at least to the point of my knowing facts – like the 10 commandments. But having Jesus in my life daily had not occurred yet. Just enough to know when my mom told me to get on my knees and pray for forgiveness I couldn't do it because that would be lying, but I also had to obey my parents ( even though she was wrong). Talk about conflicting for a child. So I just prayed what she wanted and secretly asked God to forgive me but that he knew what really happened and it wasn't my fault as she had said it was.

Reflections from page 19

Hi school-related

My dreams began shattering in High school, when nothing I said or did mattered. I felt like a walking zombie – just there for the abusers pleasure. AS I saw his shadow that day in the kitchen my spirit,and soul collapsed. If I could have my physical body would have collapsed as well.

AS I think back sometimes I remember saying God must have created me to accomplish something great for him or I would have died when I was abused and beaten. So I think unconsciously I began seeking strength from Him, and He gave it to me as each day dawned. Because I was able to make it second by second minute by minute I thank my heavenly Father.