Seeing My Fears - Ch 1 HJ ....Continued

Before I can even answer the questions  for  Ch 1, I continue to read and re read chapter one and as I do more and more things come to the surface. It was her statement on page 15 when she said “ In that moment everything within me died” that got me-I was immediately taken back to the moment everything in me died. I was standing by the fridge and saw his  (the abusers) shadow At that moment,I froze, then he touched me and led me away to where he again began to molest me. When he was done I rolled over and just cried and I gave up and did not want to live anymore. At that moment the dreams of a little girl died.

But it was what she said on page 18 that struck a cord when she said she had nightmares and flashbacks and even re runs of her past, I knew I wasn't alone. Someone else gave me not so much hope but a confirmation that I really wasn't alone when I had or told someone of my own nightmares and flashbacks. Someone else had had them as well. mine happen still when my husband and I are intimate. I have searched scripture and know that God ordained marriage and sex in marriage was good. But the flashbacks dreams re runs and nightmares said different.

As I reflected on this part of her story, I realized how afraid I too was of the dark,being alone at night  or of men I did not know not to mention even those who look like the man that abused me. (ones even a football coach) and I love football.  Any way I realized that those things I was afraid of was keeping me trapped and bound in the past.And if I am stuck in the past I can not move forward to the wonderful things the Lord has in store for me. 

Look what happened to lots wife when she looks back - shes turned into a pillar of salt. I don't know about you,  but I'm not all that big on salt. And then in Philippians 3:13 we are told  to forget our past and look forward to what lies ahead"

As of right now that is something I will be focusing on and talking to Jesus about.

Now to the reflection questions....