As I read the book I can see why we are going slow and although I am posting my answers and feelings doing so once maybe twice a week may be all I can do. I know over the weekend I will need to fill in my journal with what I have written on line, sometimes its easier to type my answers then write them out. Not sure why, But any way here we go with Chapter two.
As Wendy talks about making sure she was never alone – I remember back when I was in high school some how I found a babysitting job. And for the life of me I don't remember how I found it. It was “just there” But as I study God's Word I read in Romans 8:28 NLT “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
Out of my abuse came this job and my love for kids began to grow, but the reason I started babysitting was to keep from being alone for as long as possible. I had tried my hand at babysitting before this time this job seemed to open up a passion for me like none other- my love for children and learning.-Them learning me teaching.
Not only did my Father provide a job which allowed a break between times I was abused but it provided me with weekly spending money and weekends with this family. I would get to spend the night at their – my boss and her daughters house I treasured that time be cause it was time I could be me- just me- without worry or fear, and I had fun. God did not cause the abuse but He did provide brief chunks of time I did not have to think about the abuse and could just be a kid and have fun. AS I look back now I can see my Fathers loving hand and spirit working in my life. He was there- He was there.
AS I continue reading Ch 2 the scripture in Psalms 139 verses1-5 and 11-16 really spoke to me in a new way. I mean I have read them before but this time they caught me off guard and touched me. AS I was writing these in my journal I began to think how wonderful it is that there was someone who knows me so deeply with all my flaws and all and accepts me just as I am, is unbelievable and awesome! I don’t have to pretend and be someone I’m not. that’s so hard to do. But here is someone I don’t and cant hide anything from. God is my best accountability partner because he KNOWS me and accepts me and loves me just as I am. I don't have to pretend or act a certain way I can be me. just reading the words and running my fingers over the wording makes it so real, special and awe inspiring. With my Father I can be just who he created me to be. His daughter whom He loves deeply and passionately.
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